I can honestly say one of the biggest struggles I had to overcome when starting my coaching practice was realizing I was treating it like a hobby. Coming to the realization STUNG so badly, and I went through a plethora of emotions in the process. Likened to the five stages of grief, I went through the following and not in any particular order:
Denial – No, I’m not. What I do is help people, and provide support......leaving off the for free part.
Anger – I was so pissed when I heard one of my mentor’s make the statement "You don't have a business if you are doing it for free; it's a HOBBY" to a group of entrepreneurs. You know that indignant kind of pissed……”HOW DARE YOU!!!!”, which really meant, “how dare you call me out on my own BS!”
Bargaining – Or perhaps the better stated word here would be ‘justification’. I justified and rationalized all the BS reasons why I wasn’t getting paid as a professional coach/mentor.
Depression – Being an overly optimistic person I’m sure I ‘rationalized’ why I wasn’t depressed and disappointed over my unsuccessful career, but truth be told I did suffer from self-inflicted depression, and was too proud to ask for help. Ouch! Truth bombs sting.
Acceptance – Came after I got out of my BS limiting beliefs, and stopped repeating my justified BS story as to why I wasn’t successful! Liberating as F*ck!
My intentions have always been to have a successful coaching business, and yet I allowed my limiting beliefs and feelings of not being good enough hold me back.
During my pursuit, I made it my mission to help as many people as possible, and I wanted it so badly I was willing to not only do it for FREE, but was willing to put more of myself into fixing their problems than they were willing to do. I was offering to help people who would want to share their struggles, and yet really never wanted help. Although, from my distorted view of needing to help everyone, I took them sharing their problems with me as my duty to do something, rather than giving them permission to ask for help.
Note: Another Radically Liberating as F*ck Moment is acknowledging you do not actually have a client until they ask to hire you for your service. Ouch, damn it! More denial, more anger, more depression, and more of what I didn’t want.
Helping people who only wanted to dump their struggles in lieu of actually changing their story resulted in feeling more disappointed in my ability and frustrated with the outcome. I couldn't understand why they didn't follow through with overcoming their struggles, disappointments, and hardships after asking my opinion. I couldn't understand why they kept sharing their stories, wanting advice and when offered help or support wouldn't do anything about it.
Radical Honesty Packaged in Lessons – Oh goodie! (Sarcasm intended)
I learned several very valuable lessons from these experiences, and what I learned was the following:
1. You don't have a client until a client hires you.
2. People don't change unless they have something to lose.
3. When people invest a monetary value into their own growth & development, they are willing to do the necessary work to achieve their goals. (Funny how we choose to allow money, a tiny green piece of paper bearing a number on it, to not only drive us but determine our outcome as well.)
Other valuable information I learned was people's investment (mental and emotional) in their growth was based on their level of desperation.
What do I mean by that?
When things in their lives became too unbearable then they'd desperately reach out for anything and everything that could possibly help remove the pain, with little disciplined effort to sustain long-term change. These are the individuals who chase every quick fix or new gadget that comes along that promises the moon and the stars with little effort being required of them to change.
Others were those who desired long-term change in their lives, and yet settled for minor shifts because they didn't follow through with their desired goals. These were the individuals who got really motivated, set out to conquer the world, and fizzled out just as fast as they started because they weren't willing to invest in themselves long-term.
Please understand I am not complaining or bad-mouthing anyone, merely acknowledging a shortcoming I had in myself by continuing to invest myself in their success even when they weren’t.
I can honestly say these events have taught me so much about myself, and revealed my own triggers and shortcomings.
I learned I didn't value myself, my education, or experience enough to receive financial compensation for it.
I learned through undervaluing myself, I gave away too much of myself.
I learned through undervaluing myself, I felt victimized.
All of this was my own self-defeating limiting beliefs, and unless or until I made radical changes within myself I could never expect anything to be any different in my life. Ouch, damn it!
To make radical changes in one’s life is a PROCESS, and not all puppy dogs and rainbows along the way. There were definite 'highs', 'lows', and a lot of 'in between' moments.
Radical As F*ck Honesty – there was a shit ton of denial, anger, tears, and pleading on my part, yet with consistent follow through, along with a resilient resolve to improve myself, I have become a better person who offers better service to my clients. Clients who want the same radical changes for themselves.
Through being humbled to ask for help and a willingness to invest in myself along the way, doors of opportunity have open beyond my wildest dreams.
Where are you in your life on the Radical As F*ck Honesty Scale?
Do you have a business or are you operating it like a hobby?
Are you pretending to be happy in your life, when you are actually dissatisfied with your life……faking it until you make it?
Are you done doing the yo-yo health and fitness diet, and ready to get radically honest with yourself?
Are you finally ready to do the necessary work to radically improve your life?
If you have answered 'YES!' to any of the above questions, schedule an appointment with me and lets talk.