Taking Advice From Someone Who Doubts Everything.
One of the biggest challenges I see people make is struggling to ask for help. Why?
It’s been my experience people feel weak, unworthy, or a burden to others if they ask for help. Moreover, people have reported when they’ve asked for help they’ve not received it.
This brings up a number of possible explanations for the abovementioned reasons, but one of them is seeking assistance from Naysayers. Naysayers are those individuals who willingly give you their unsolicited opinion of why you don’t deserve or why you won’t achieve what you desire.
More than likely these Naysayers have never asked for help themselves, and struggle with their own deep-seated fear around what you are seeking to do.
So, what and who is a Naysayer? A Naysayer is someone who struggles with their own insecurity. Someone who also lacks the strength or willingness to ask for their own help or support.
Perhaps without even being aware of it, your greatest Naysaying offenders are the following:
Your friends Your family Quite possibly your spouse Your neighbors Colleagues Children And last but certainly not least “know it alls”
The aforementioned individuals, well intended or not, are the same individuals who have either invested in themselves ONCE and gave up or are the ones whose first response is always generated from a place of fear (doubt). These are the individuals who “warn” you of failure, and how trying anything including hiring a coach or mentor is too risky.
So, why do we listen to them? Why do we ultimately allow them to convince us not to seek help? Because these Naysayers are a HUGE influential reflection of our Inner Critic’s voice. We already doubt our own judgment, and these outside influences are all too readily available to affirm our doubting selves. As a result our Inner Critic wins and once again we remain unchanged, unhappy, and unsatisfied.
What if you were to reach beyond these Naysayers and actually seek the assistance of a coach or mentor? What could one possibly gain from it?
Here’s a couple of things to be gained: #1 Experienced Roadmap Coaches and Mentors more often than not work in their specified field of expertise based on their personal, professional and educational experience. Just as there are 50 million (exaggeration) different automobiles available to invest in, a consumer should purchase one that meets their needs. It’s not enough to buy a car just because it has a cool stereo, sunroof, and nice wheels, if the engine is faulty. The same is true for working with a coach or mentor. Don’t let their fancy looking programs pull you in if their work isn’t geared towards helping you with your specific need.
For example, I am not a vegetarian coach who could help you with your vegetarian nutritional needs. I am, however, a coach who if you are struggling with your Inner Critic who is causing problems with you making good food choices for yourself, could help you tame that rascal in order for you to make healthy choices for yourself.
#2 Accountability and Support Choosing a coach or mentor who has been there and done that, and can teach you how to do the same for yourself is important.
People generally connect and relate to others who have been in similar situations to their own and have successfully overcome their challenges and obstacles.
For example, if you are someone who weighs 300 pounds, and you invest in a personal trainer to help you lose weight and get in better shape, and they've always weighed 125 pounds and have never struggled with their weight a day in their life, it’s extremely difficult to feel understood and supported through the process.
On the other hand if someone weighs 300 pounds, and they’ve invested in a personal trainer who has struggled with their weight, and 'won the battle' so to speak, there's a better connection between the two parties, and the odds of a higher success rate and outcome is increased.
However, the bottomline here is all of the above referenced is a mute issue if you choose to do nothing and allow your Inner Critic to remain in charge of your life. Growth, expansion and freedom can never happen as long as this Naysaying monger is in charge of your life. As long as this Inner Critic convinces you don’t need help, it’s weak to ask for it, or you are not deserving of it, you WILL remain stuck.
You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your Inner Critic to take charge of your help. Your Inner Critic only keeps you where you are because they feel scared. Reaching out is a step in the right direction for getting your Inner Critic help, and showing them you will be responsible for creating their safety.