Life feel like a 💩 ride?
When life feels like a 💩 roller coaster ride, and you just want it to stop 🛑 and it doesn't, what do you do?
I read something someone wrote today about riding what appeared to be an emotional roller coaster, and it caused me to pause and reflect.
The question was "do any of you struggle with the rollercoaster of low self esteem and huge heart and enthusiasm?"
It went on to say that "it's like running on a treadmill and not getting anywhere".
How many can relate, maybe only in part, as we are going through these current times of seeming prolonged uncertainty?
As I pondered this person's question, I reflected back on my own life and in so doing recalled countless emotional roller coaster rides I had been on.
As I recalled those various rides, I could almost feel the sickness well up in my stomach 🤢as I remembered how vividly real, raw, and even painful those rides were in my life.
Rides of self-doubt. Rides of shame. Rides of self-sabotage. Rides of not being good enough. Rides of loneliness. Rides of ugliness. Rides of abuse (self inflicted and by others). Rides of deep depression. Rides of wanting to be more, but fearful I wasn't. Rides of feeling like an impostor. Rides of feeling unlovable.
These rides are so fucking exhausting and taxing on one's mind/body and spirit.
They are familiar rides.
I know you know how they go.
Even knowing when they climb, when they drop, when they turn, and how fast they'll go, it never prepares you fully for the next ride experience. (Failed relationship, loss of career, being taken advantage of, betrayal, abandonment, depression, etc.)
So when do you say, "enough is enough"?
Everyone has a "rock bottom" or a "breaking (through)" point, and what they choose to do at that point can change the ride altogether.
Picture it (Sophia Petrillo's voice), it was Summer of 2003.
I was standing in the San Francisco International airport with my 6 week old baby girl watching my then partner/her father walking away from our lives forever.
Before walking away, he assured me he would only be gone for 2 weeks, and when he returned our lives would be great.
However, in my gut and in my heart of hearts, I knew unquestionably this was not true.
Even as much as I convinced myself to not be so haste in my thoughts, to not question what he said, this gnawing inside told me differently.
I recall loading my baby in the my car and driving back to our home.
This was by far the longest 2 hour drive I had ever driven.
As I drove, I can remember wondering, "What the hell am I going to do NOW?"
This type of question is the perfect generic question to ask if you want your inner critic to pipe in and tell you what your life is going to look like.
"You're going to be alone." "Nobody is going to want you." "You're going to lose everything and have to live with your parents." "You'll never find love again."
And the taunting of your inner critic goes on and on, until you learn to ask a better question.
So in my case, what was the better question I asked?
"What kind of woman do I want my daughter to be when she grows up?"
Want to know what my inner critic, Trudy, piped up with?
NOTHING!!!!! Zilch!!! Nada!! Big fat nuttin'!
She was literally speechless. 🤔
What the better question did was allow me to realize in order for my daughter to grow up to be a healthy, bright, strong, capable, confident, loving woman, I needed to become that woman to model that for her.
That's when I decided to get off the roller coaster, and ride another ride.
When we decide, the breakthrough is INSTANT, and it's the consistent loving work you do afterwards that keeps you off that ridiculous reckless damn roller coaster ride for good.
So, why do I share this and so much other personal information with you?
Because I know what it's like to be on a ride of hell, and not entirely sure how to get off.
Because I understand the familiarity of the behaviors, habits, patterns, and internal dialogue that goes on between you and your inner critic, AND can help you change that experience.
Because I get what it's like to think and feel you've done everything to change to not be or feel this way, and nothing seems to work.
Because I know the shitty stories that inadvertently pop up in an effort to sabotage your success.
Because I know how bad ass you really are, and just need some assistance along the way.
Because I know you're damn tired of the ride, and know you deserve more out of your life.
Because I know you're ready.
So let's do this already! Let's get you off this ride, and get you tapped into your amazing self for good.