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A Warrior Being Vulnerable

As I reflect back over this lifetime, I see how we've evolved as a collective, and I believe we are making great progress towards healing. Yes, not everyone is jumping on the train towards healing their wounds, and that's OK because those of us that are are making an energetic shifting difference. One of the things I've seen shift is people's willingness to be vulnerable in sharing their story....the pains, the traumas, the events that have happened to them. This is a good thing--it's definitely part of healing. I also see a lot of people stuck in the story-telling---not knowing exactly how to move out of the pain. More and more people are getting comfortable in their as if "this is as good as it gets". Believe me I get it! I was there for years. There was a form of liberation and empowerment that went along with being able to talk about being sexually abuse, being raped, being abandoned, being violated, and my reasons for no-one wanting to be with me. Where the feeling of liberation and empowerment came from was the willingness to be able to talk about it---to tell my story to whoever would listen (even though it wasn't healed). More importantly it was being expressed and no longer being suppressed within me. It was a step in the right direction towards healing----it just wasn't the completion of healing, although I didn't know it at the time. So we go through these events, these traumas, these processes, and most of the time we choose to go it alone because we've conditioned ourselves to believe WE MUST GO IT ALONE.......asking for help is weak. The thing is there's a part of ourselves that is proud we've come this longer remaining silent, AND YOU SHOULD BE. Healing from our past is more than being willing to no longer be silent. It's a magnificent step towards healing though. Sitting with our pain, feeling it is an incredible experience - yes, it can be painful as hell, and you want to move past it as quickly as possible. And at the same time it can be a trap if done alone. What do I mean by that? For years after I was willing to tell my story of abuse, I relived the events over and over again in my head......feeling the pain. Some days it felt so real and raw as if it was happening in real time, which it was because our minds are that powerful. Other days it just felt like a distant memory with the potential of conquering up the old "feelings" again if not kept in check. I wanted to get past this stage, and I was reluctant to seek help because of the old bullshit story of "not wanting to be weak", so I remained entrapped in this pain, which I had become so proud of myself for moving past the "suppress it and don't talk about it" stage. But in a sense that was what I was still doing - meaning still wrestling with the unhealed part of the pain. The pain was still keeping me from fully living because I hadn't moved past an initial phase of the process. Making the decision to finally work with someone to help me get to the next phase was the scariest and bravest thing I did. It was the next step that was necessary because it was the step towards healing my inner critic. The next step that actually introduced me to parts of my wounded self that I wasn't even aware of. It was the phase where my inner critic had an opportunity to open up and tell their story, and in a much healthier manner. As a result, in this next beautiful (and yes painful) phase was where both my inner critic and myself joined collectively towards living more optimally, and living more vibrantly. No longer living as a wounded warrior---rather being a fully healed warrior who could help others along the way. We all are warriors - some with unhealed wounds, some in the process of healing their wounds, and some who have healed their wounds. We all have a story. We all desire to make a difference. We all are significant. Here's what I've learned going through the process: 1. it sucked (no sense sugar-coating it to seem like it's the most glorious thing you'll ever do in your life--that's the reward afterwards) 2. it doesn't happen over not 3. reading books helped, but they weren't that human connection to another soul who could create a safe space for processing and effectuating healing change 4. going it alone took a LONG-ASS TIME and even that didn't completely heal the wounds 5. having a mediator (coach, mentor, counselor,etc.) served significantly when my inner critic and I were at a standoff. Here's the thing it's significantly difficult to win a battle with your inner because you not only created them, you've trained them very well to do their job. Having a coach, mentor or someone like that helping you through the process can give you insight, tools, and tactics that shift the standoff, and as a result the gloves come off, the swords of pain are dropped, and a mutual respect is gained. To be a healed warrior is to be vulnerable. Until next time, so much love

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