Step Away From The Quick Fix
We have become a society of individuals who prey on the necessity for quick fixes to our problems, and yet on some level we are wise enough to know they don’t work. So why do we continue to reach for the proverbial ‘quick fix’?
It’s been my experience when we reach a point in our life when the pain of our problem(s) become so unbearable either through self-neglect or ignoring our 'gut instinct' aka inner voice, we desperately grasp for anything and everything that will claim to take the pain away NOW! Regardless of what we know to be true, we frantically convince ourselves the ‘quick fix’ is the right thing for us. We even go so far as to ignore the warnings of side effects that impact us mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Note: All quick fixes should be labeled with the warnings of side effects as they ALL have them.
When this quick fix doesn’t work, and it won’t, we then feel compelled to find fault and justify why it didn’t work. We point our finger away from ourselves, and towards anyone or anything to fiercely place blame. We fault the product for being flawed. We blame the counselor for not understanding our problem(s). We fault the medical doctor for getting us hooked on meds; even though we do nothing about it and continue refilling the prescription. We blame the coach or mentor for not getting us where we wanted to be. The whole while we fail to recognize we have three remaining fingers pointing back at ourselves while pointing one at the exterior ‘problem’.
This one finger serves as such a powerfully ignorant pawn in the blame game, doesn’t it? Unless or until we decide to take full accountability for our wellness we will forever remain the victim of outside influences. On the flipside, once we take full ownership and accountability for our lives, our actions, and thoughts we will forever give up the right to use this blame gaming finger ever again. The best part of that is we will be feeling so good and confident about ourselves we’ll not need to reduce ourselves to such antics.
As a mindset coach I see this daily. I see people acknowledging they are dissatisfied with their lives whether it is career, health/fitness, relationship(s), etc., and continually chasing the next ‘quick fix’ or shiny dangling jewel that will promise them their dream come true. I see them chasing the brass ring, putting full faith in it, and falling short. Why? Because they fail to recognize and invest as much chasing, time, money, and energy into themselves as they do to the outside source.
Can you imagine if you just invested half as much as you have into everything outside of yourself what your life would look like? Can you?
Those who have sought me or other coaches I collaborate with have been very successful. It is me? Is it the other coach(es)? No, not entirely. Yes, we provide valuable insight, valuable tools, undeniable support, and yet as coaches we know our clients must be willing to do the work themselves in order to be what they want to be; to have what they want to have; and to do what they want to do.
Do you appreciate things more when you’ve earned them or when they are given to you? Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing when someone does something wonderful you, or when someone validates your existence. It’s also fantastic when someone gives you a gift, a kind jester, an unexpected surprise. And the same is true when we do all the above for ourselves. In fact, in some ways more so, and I’ll explain.
I remember when I was coming to the age of being able to drive, and the thought of it excited me like mad. As a teenager this represented a true sense of freedom, right? I remember getting my license and my parents allowing me to drive their station-wagon to and from work. Again as a teenager this was soooooooo embarrassing to be seen in a station-wagon, and yet I knew I needed to continue driving it. I needed to save my money to be able to buy my own car and all the other necessities that went along with owning a car. My parents felt it was necessary to teach my brother and I responsibility early on, and although at the time I hated it because I wanted my own car NOW, I continued driving what I considered an embarrassment of a car until the day I was able to purchase my own car.
The day I became a proud owner of a 1976 (6 year old car with high miles) dented powder blue, stick shift, no air-conditioning Ford Pinto for $800, was the day I felt like I had just purchased a brand new Rolls Royce Bentley. I certainly treated that car as one, and proudly drove it for 4 or 5 years.
I owe my parents great thanks for teaching such a valuable lesson in life. For through setting a goal (getting my own car), taking action (working and saving money), and remaining focused on my “WHY” (I wanted my own freedom and independence) allowed me to stay the course. I can say with all earnestness it was not always easy. It was not always fun. It was not always a fantastically spiritual awakening that gained my outcome. It was the steadfastness of going after my goal in spite of any/all obstacles that got in the way, and trust me there were many.
I did have parents who served not only as my parents but as coaches/mentors as well. I know it couldn’t have been easy for them, and yet the pay-off for them was seeing their children succeed.
So remember, the next time you are feeling squeezed, sad, or desperate to have, be, and do better for yourself know WHY you want it, and know there’s no quick fix.
There are tools, techniques and support available to assist you along your journey, which is priceless in comparison to investing in quick fixes. Moreover, there a fantastic coaches and mentors out there who are willing to support, encourage, and provide you beneficial tools to assist you along your journey.
As a mindset coach I work with clients to tame their inner critic, that inner naysaying voice that is quick to rear its voice when it feels fear. When one is ready to move beyond their current existence (comfort zone, even uncomfortable comfort zone) and change, that Inner Critic will throw a temper tantrum likened to a 2 year old, and if you are not equipped to move beyond its fear you will remain unchanged.
During these temper tantrum moments you will feel more conflicted and stressed than usual, and you’ll want nothing more than for it to stop, and regrettably so many opt for the quick fix and shortly thereafter feel remorse over their choice and the spiraling down happens all over again.
If you can relate to this article and have tried the ‘quick fix’ approach before and were unsatisfied with your results, perhaps this will be the time you make another choice for yourself. Perhaps invest in yourself and work with a coach/mentor. If you’ve previously worked with a coach/mentor, know the journey of our lives doesn’t stop with one growth spurt; we are evolving creatures, and every leveling up requires an expansion on our part, and working with them again or a new one may be what’s needed.
If you’ve never worked with a coach/mentor before there are few things to consider:
What is it you're wanting to work on or change in your life? (E.g., Career, Health/Fitness, Relationship, Family, Spirituality, Self-Development)
Search and talk to potential coaches/mentors to see if you and they are a good fit. Please note as coaches/mentors we are doing the same thing when we talk to potential clients. We are determining for ourselves whether a client is a good fit for our services being offered.
Decide if what they are offering works for what you want to achieve. Please know it’s not enough that they have fancy ads, promise you the world, and the price is right. Often times these same measuring tactics have been used for the ‘quick fix’ promise and resulted in costing people a lot more than they actually bargained for. So ask whatever questions are important for you in determining the right fit for you.
Final thoughts: They say successful people model excellence, meaning they model those who have achieved measurable success in the areas they are striving towards. I personally find this to be true for those who model excellence while maintaining their authenticity in the process.
It’s unfortunate and true that some will work with a coach or mentor and assimilate themselves to be exactly like that coach or mentor, and as a result become very frustrated and dissatisfied with themselves and their coach. Why? Because they allowed themselves to become something they weren’t. As a client it's imperative you remain open and flexible to learning new ways of doing things for the success of your results, and it’s even more important that you continue being your authentic self. You are not required to become a mini-me of your mentor, but rather a more empowered you so you can be, do, and have whatever it is you want in this life.
Until next time, so much love Dr. KellyRae Certified Master Practitioner NLP, MER, and Hypnotherapy